Dance Dance Revulsion

Kristina's sister, Lauren, was married last weekend to Alex Armstrong. We are generally happy about this union.

The only downside is that weddings make some people do strange things. For instance, some weddings make people hire Whitesnake cover bands or the limo driver from The Wedding Singer. Mostly, weddings just cause white people to dance. We've all become numb to our typical dance moves, like the head bob (my personal favorite), the lawn mower, the sprinkler, the grocery cart and any other sort of domestic chore that can be somehow applied to music. But without a doubt, the contrived line dance is the worst of all white people dances. You know the ones I'm talking about: The Macarena. The Electric Slide. Any country line dance.

My least favorite is the Cha Cha Slide "song" (term used loosely). Though, I will give it up for the guy who wrote it. He is a genius. His formula is a gold mine: create a hip hop beat, give some simple instructions, and white people at weddings will go crazy.

I'm currently working on my own wedding song called "The Elite WASP Slide." The main steps will include: Look at Rolex, Reach for wallet, Snap fingers at hired help, Turn up nose, and Take cell phone out of pocket to call your broker. This will definitely catch on. Watch for it at reception near you.

Despite my obvious disdain for these dances, my family did something pretty cool at Lauren's reception: they danced to Thriller. Here it is for your enjoyment. I apologize for the eerie Bombs Over Baghdad-like camera footage.